Letter 94: If people knew how you really feel about me, they wouldn't ask me to send you letters on their behalf.
**To Spectatus** (359/60)
If people knew what your disposition toward me truly is, they would not ask me to send letters to you on their behalf. Indeed, even if I myself needed them to carry one, they would beg me not to write, since it would only bring them harm. But as it stands, much escapes notice — including the fact that you hold me in no regard whatsoever.
Now, I could have told Miccalus the truth and left it at that. But feeling more ashamed on your behalf, the one who scorns me, than on my own, the one cast aside, I let Miccalus remain ignorant of how things stand between us, thinking that the time spent in his delusion would be a kind of profit for him — namely, the duration of his journey. For once he arrives and delivers this letter, he will discover how things really are.
Still, this much I do know: even if you will pay him no attention on my account, there is another compulsion under which you will do everything for him. By "compulsion" I do not mean his own decency and the obligation to honor such men or else be thought guilty of vice — for many people attach little weight to that sort of thing. No, I mean that you know this man's brother: formidable in speech, formidable in action, and a man who knows how both to repay a favor and to exact a punishment.
His thunderbolts, I am quite sure, you will fear — and in securing fair weather for yourself, you will think it worthwhile to become everything to Miccalus.
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