Letter 943

To Chionius the Silentiarius. [a silentiarius was an usher and officer of the imperial court.] What will you do? What will you accomplish, when the end of life arrives, when the resources of living fail you, when destitution and afflictions come upon you, when the physicians give you up, when you are despaired of by your own household? When, gripped by a dry and rapid panting, with a raging fever burning and smoldering your insides, you will groan from the depth of your heart, yet will find no one to share your grief? When deep night falls, and no one is at hand who is able to help, death stands beside you, those who carry off the soul press hard upon you, certain gloomy and severe angels? When the fearsome powers lay hold of you, and drag the soul away bound, turned often by its sins back toward the things of this world, and wailing without the voice of its instrument? Then, with the laments shut out, oh, how greatly you will mourn for yourself at that time! How greatly you will groan, lamenting in vain over the things ill-counseled. When after these things you see the radiance of the righteous in the bright distribution of the heavenly gifts, and the gloom of the sinners in the deepest darkness, what words will you utter at that moment? What will you say then, grieving in your heart? "Alas for me, that I did not cast off the burden of sin through repentance, though the laying of it aside was so easy! Alas for me, that I did not wash away the stains, but am branded with my lawless deeds! Now I would have been keeping festival with the angels, and rejoicing together with them; now I would have been delighting in the eternal good things. Oh, the wicked counsels! For a momentary enjoyment of sin I am tormented immortally; for a pleasure of the flesh I am handed over to the eternal fire. I was taught, and I did not give heed. Certain of the pious bore witness to me, but I laughed them to scorn." These things and such as these you will say, weeping for yourself, if you disregard the good exhortations and the admonitions, and, being snatched up, are carried off to that place where nothing will avail you of those that urge you to repent, and to weep, and to groan. For here is there need of these remedies, not there.

Τί ποιήσεις; τί δράσεις, ὅταν τὸ τέρμα τοῦ βίου ἐλεύσηται, ὅταν ἐπιλείπωσι τῆς ζωῆς αἱ ἀφορμαί, ὅταν ἐπέλθῃ σοι ἀπορία καὶ θλίψεις, ὅταν ἀπαγορεύ- σωσί σε οἱ ἰατροί, ὅταν ἀπὸ τῶν οἰκείων ἀπογνωσθῇς; ὅταν ἄσθματι ξηρῷ καὶ πυκνῷ συνεχόμενος πυρετοῦ λαύρου διακαίοντος τὰ ἔνδον καὶ ὑπομύγοντος, στε- νάξεις μὲν ἀπὸ μέσης καρδίας, τὸν δὲ συλλυπούμενον οὐχ εὑρήσεις; ὅταν φθάσῃ νὺξ βαθεῖα, καὶ μηδεὶς παρῇ ὁ βοηθῆσαι δυνάμενος, ὁ θάνατος παρέστηκεν, οἱ ἀπάγοντες κατεπείγουσιν, ἄγγελοί τινες κατηφεῖς καὶ ἀπότομοι; ὅταν ἐπιλαμβάνωνται σου αἱ φοβεραὶ δυνάμεις, καὶ ἕλκωσι τὴν ψυχὴν δεδεμένην, ταῖς ἁμαρτίαις πυκνὰ μεταστρεφομένην πρὸς τὰ ὧδε, καὶ ἀποδυρομένην ἄνευ φωνῆς τοῦ ὀργάνου; Λοιπὸν τῶν θρήνων ἀποκλεισθέντων, ὦ πόσα πενθήσεις σεαυτὸν τότε! πόσα στενάξεις ἄπρακτα μετακλαίων ἐπὶ τοῖς κακῶς βουλευθεῖσιν. Ὅταν ἴδης μετὰ ταῦτα τὴν φαιδρότητα τῶν δικαίων ἐν τῇ λαμπρᾷ τῶν οὐρανίων δώρων διανομῇ, καὶ τὴν κατήφειαν τῶν ἁμαρτωλῶν ἐν τῷ σκότει τῷ βαθυτάτῳ, ποῖα ῥήματα τὸ τηνικάδε φήσεις; Ποῖα ἐρεῖς τότε ὀδυκώμενος τὴν καρδίαν; Αἴ με, μὴ ἀποῤῥῖψαι τὸ φορτίον τῆς ἁμαρτίας διὰ τῆς μετανοίας; εὐκόλου τυγχανούσης τῆς ἀποθέσεως! Αἴ με, τὰς κηλίδας μὴ ἀποπλύνασθαι, ἀλλ᾽ ἐστιγμένον εἶναι ταῖς ἀνομίαις! Νῦν ἂν ἤμην μετὰ τῶν ἀγγέλων ἑορτάζων, καὶ κατευφραινόμενος, νῦν ἐν τοῖς αἰωνίοις ἀγαθοῖς ἐνετρύφων. Ὦ τῶν πονηρῶν βουλευμάτων! διὰ πρόσκαιρον ἁμαρτίας ἀπόλαυσιν ἀθάνατα βασανίζομαι, διὰ ἡδονὴν σαρκὸς τῷ αἰωνίῳ πυρὶ παραδίδομαι. Ἐδιδασκόμην, καὶ οὐ προσεῖχον. Διεμαρτύραντό μοι τινες τῶν εὐσεβούντων, ἐγὼ δὲ κατεγέλων. Ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐρεῖς, ἀποκλαιόμενος σεαυτόν, ἂν παρακούσης τῶν καλῶν παρακλήσεων, καὶ τῶν ὑπομνήσεων, καὶ ἀνάρπαστος γενόμενος ἐπενεχθῇς ἐπ᾽ ἐκεῖνον τὸν χῶρον, ἔνθα οὐδὲν ὀνήσει τῶν μετανοεῖν, καὶ κλαίειν, καὶ στένειν σε πειθόντων. Ὦδε γὰρ χρεία τούτων τῶν ἐπικουρημάτων, οὐκ ἐκεῖσε.